Totally rad, dude!

This week began our new path on this journey - radiation treatments.

All treatments have side effects and potential long-term negative outcomes, and radiation is no exception.  I really debated going forward with this.  I wanted to be certain it was the right and best choice for me, for my long-term survival, for a lowered risk of local recurrence, so I spent hours upon hours doing research and educating myself.  I had to weigh the benefits vs. the short- and long-term potential risks.  And I'll be honest - in the end, it made sense to do radiation, but I am still hesitant about and unhappy with this choice.  It pisses me off to no end that after all these years, after all this money and research, this is still the best choice we've got - but it is what it is.  I've already been slashed (surgery), poisoned (chemo) and now burned (radiation).  It's the trifecta of BC.

Tuesday was my first radiation treatment.  Every day begins the same:  I walk into the radiation center and go directly to a private waiting room with a changing area.  I grab a hospital gown and a robe, and undress from the waist up (my first lesson on my first day - don't wear a dress!)  My tech, Dwayne, comes to get me when he's ready.  Around the corner is an innocuous, dark doorway.  As you step through the doorway you realize there are no lights, the walls "feel" heavy around you, and you've stepped into a maze:  10 steps forward, turn a corner, 10 steps to the right, turn a corner, a couple of steps to your left, and your suddenly in the radiation room.

A fairly accurate picture of my radiation machine

In my case the table is already "set up" for me - there's a pad about half-way down against which my butt rests.  That forces my head into a cradle in a certain position.  At the top end of the table, above my head, is a large "T" bar that I hold with both hands.  Little red laser beams on the machine help Dwayne line up my tattoos, and then I get my "active breathing coordinator."

No, this is not me.  But that's what my ABC looks like.

The neat thing about the ABC is that it holds my breath at a certain point, creating a space between my heart and lungs, and the tumor site.  This lessens the damage (but no, does not eliminate it) being done to my heart and lungs during radiation.  This is a great cross-sectional explanation of exactly how they're able to radiate my breast without zapping all of me:

A & B are the radiation beams; C (yellow area) is where the radiation
is hitting my breast; D = rib cage, E = heart, F = lungs, G = spine, H = sternum

It's pretty amazing to me that they can target such a specific area, but they work very hard at getting the beams aimed just so. 

I get two "zaps" every day.  I take a deep breath, release a little, and the ABC "holds" my breath at a specific point (92%, apparently).  During the first zap the head of the machine is just above my right arm, aimed across my chest at the right side of my left breast (similar to "A" above).  I count to 7, the zap ends, and my breath releases.  I can breathe normally for a few seconds while the machine rotates around me to the other side, and aims at the outside of my left breast (similar to "B" above).  I take another deep breath, hold it, and this time I count to 12.  Less than 2 minutes from start to finish.

That's it.  I get dressed, I leave - and it's about 15 minutes after I first arrive.

This week I've had four treatments - only 26 more to go.  So far my breast and skin look normal, but I am already noticing a little tightening of the scar tissue from the lumpectomy and the node biopsy.  Another BC sister said her radiation oncologist (RO) likened the process to "bacon in a microwave" - so you can only imagine what my poor boob might look like by the end of this.

In actuality I don't know what will happen over the next six weeks.  Some women seem to have really bad experiences, others not-so-bad.  I'm giving up my underwire bras this weekend and switching to soft cami's and cotton things to lessen the pressure and irritation.  Thank goodness for summer and halter tops! 

And thank goodness for the weekend and days off.  My little boobie needs a break.