Over the weekend I noticed the hairfall had begun. At first it was just a few extra hairs on my pillow, then I watched a couple errant strands float off my head and onto my dinner plate. That's how it happens - slowly at first, you almost don't notice it (unless, of course, you're expecting and even waiting for it). Yesterday as I towel-dried my hair I watched a multitude of brightly-colored strands fall to the floor. This morning as I stretched and yawned awake, I ran my hand through my hair - and came away with half a handful.
Tonight, Ken buzzed me down to a quarter inch. The first lesson I learned last time was not to shave too quickly. As the hair breaks away from the root it sometimes wants to stay stuck in your scalp like a thousand little needles. If I shave it all off now, there's nothing to grab on to with the duct tape (okay, I admit, I was desperate last time and tried that, but quickly learned Lesson Number Two - duct tape will take your skin off too. This time, I promise - lint roller and nothing else).
I cried. I didn't think I would. Been there, done that, got the ugly t-shirt - you'd think I'd be used to this by now. Even though I was prepared, I still wasn't. For some reason it was harder this time around. So I let myself cry for a few minutes while Ken gently cut my quickly-thinning hair. At one point I took the clippers from him and ran them around my ears; feeling the hum against my scalp, buzzing like a bee in my ear, and taking back that moment of control made it all okay again.
I don't mind being bald. But I do mind becoming bald.
You're so pretty, you're beautiful eyes and smile, even without hair! It must be exasperating for you to go through this a second time. Your Aunt Madeline and I are both angry about this. But you are going to kick f#%^*ng cancer in its big ugly ass! Got you in my and many people's prayers. Yoga and law and all the other stuff I find hard...doing it without complaint and dedicating it to your good health.
ReplyDeleteYou never have a bad looking day girl--with or without hair. Your eyes are always glowing which brightens your face and all around you!
ReplyDeleteYou're one of the few I've seen that actually looks adorable bald. The reason for it still sucks!!! Hugs & prayers to you every day.
ReplyDeleteYou are one beautiful lady! I hate that you have to go through this all over again! I am glad that you are letting yourself release your emotions, whether through tears or writing your blog. You and your family are in my daily thoughts and prayers! Let me know if I can do anything for you! Sending love and hugs!!
ReplyDeleteIt looks good. Daily prayers for you, Ken, and your doctors continue.
ReplyDeleteI may be a weirdo, but the shortest do on you is my favorite!! Sorry for the tears and for being forced into this beyond your control, though...
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE SO LOVELY. xoxox